I’m all about trying to make stuff special for my kids. I’m full of these ideas on cute activities we can do together. Let’s make bath bombs! That’ll be a hit! Right?
Wrong.
If you follow the directions I followed, you don’t end up with bath bombs; you end up with bath sludge. It smells amazing, but it’s nothing that remotely resembles those cute spherical fizzy-producers that you’d actually want to give your kids. To see how hard I failed on this project, read my step-by-step guide below.
Ultimate Bath Sludge Recipe
Step 1: Mix together 1 cup baking soda, 1/2 cup epsom salt, and 1/2 cup cornstarch in a large bowl.
Step 2: Mix 2.5 tablespoons melted coconut oil, 3/4 tablespoons water, and 12-15 drops essential oils (I used equal parts clary sage, copaiba, and geranium, which created a divine blend.) in a medium bowl.
Step 3: Add the wet ingredients to the dry ones until they meet the consistency of a gooey slime.
Step 4: Slowly add 1/2 cup citric acid to the slime. Panic because the fizzing, which is supposed to occur when you pop these bad boys into the bathtub, is already happening. Uh oh.
Step 5: Attempt to form your sludge into spheres. Realize immediately that there’s no way this is going to work.
Step 6: Add more citric acid, baking soda, and salt in an effort to absorb the excess liquid. Cackle maniacally as your science experiment bubbles out of your control.
Step 7: Pivot. (Word of the year?) Decide maybe instead of making separate bath bombs, you can create a sheet of bath bomb matter that could possibly be salvaged if broken up after it dries. (Bath bomb bark is more seasonally appropriate anyway, right?) Spread the substance into a pan lined with parchment paper, and, while you’re at it, add some drops of food coloring just to see what happens. Sit the tray outside in an attempt to dry it. A little fresh air and sunshine might do it good, after all. (See image below.)
Step 8: After waiting over 24 hours and seeing the Plan B “bath bomb bars” were still the consistency of mud, throw up your hands and dump your strange creation into a cute jar. (See below.)
Step 9: Shovel out a few clumps of the concoction under warm running water in the bathtub. Persistently yet lovingly shepherd your kids into the brown bath water.
Step 10: Field questions from your indignant kids and confused husband. (Ex: “Wait…what is that stuff? Why is it so hard to scrape out of the jar? Why is the bath water already dirty?”)
Lesson
I’m not Pinterest-worthy a majority of the time. (Those of you who know me best might laugh out loud at that understatement.) In all honesty, my mom-game can be best likened to a frantic round of whack-a-mole. However, I will do my best to lean into failing better. As far as I can tell, it’s the only way to live. No matter how this year blessed you or abused you, dear reader, may your Plan B bring you laughter.